the message

I went to church yesterday. I felt alright. I sit in in the middle of the pew, in the second to last. I sat there alone for some time. I always do. I didn't cry that much. The bishop saluted me from the front. He's disappointed in me. I don't blame him.

Being alone is of my own doing. I sat there hoping someone will sit near me. One of the Elders did come and sit by me. Elder Ludlow. He said he and Elder Taylor stopped by twice last week. It must have been during one of our shopping trips. I am grateful for their visits. It helps recharge me.

I am hearing voices recite the scriptures in my head. I will accept that for now.

The talks were on forgiveness. One woman was talking about this friend who left the church. I can so relate to her. I don't think I have forgiven myself despite what I think. I must forgive, so that I can forgive others.

On the way home I was praying. I prayed for strength and patience. I am a patience man, but I am sad that I can't "feel" the love that the Lord brings. Church is supposed to be a happy place. I leave feeling guilt and saddness. I will let time decide.

I will continue to go to church. I will continue to pray and read the Gospel. I will work on stopping my addiction.

Going to church is easy. Talking to others is where I fall short.

I know the church is true. I know there is a prophet that leads the church and speaks with God.
I say these in the name of Jesus Christ..Amen.