The Church

I have just started to go back to church. Its been 20+ years since I last went. I am gonna make this a better try then my 1st attempt.

My mind is polluted, my soul is yearning. I need to feel connected.

I haven't much contact outside my marriage. I looked for months to find people that I could socialize with. I thought of the church as a possible place to meet people and learn the Gospel.

I am a child. I feel weak and unlearned. I believe that going back to church will help me. That's the thing I never reach out for help. I am always the one helping. Is that selfish? I am willing to change and to learn.

The elders have been here twice now. I enjoy their message. Yesterday I told them that I wasn't getting a good feeling when I'm at church and that I want to cry. That feeling comes about because I feel so badly about the sins I've committed. They asked me if I ever injured myself. I told them I had. They then asked how long it took to heal. I said weeks. They said that's its the same with the Gospel. It will take time.

I am making a committment to read one chapter a day, first thing in the morning. I started to do that this morning. I am also going to stay at church for the classes after Sacrament.

I am not the same man I was when I first joined the church. I have more emotions, I'm more mature, at least in my manhood, my drive is stronger, my passion burns brighter, my vision clearer.

I felt this urge to repent. These things I hide are killing me. I don't like the man I am. I feel dirty and unworthy. That is all gonna change.

I know it will take time. Much like my blogging on other sites. I started out slow and eventually got to the point where I must write everyday.

My goal is to read one chapter every morning and stay at church for the full 3 hours and pray more often.

I am grateful for the opportunity to worship and to have fellowship in the church. I pray that Heavenly Father will forgive me of my sins and to take them away.

This is the beginning of a new life and the end of an old one. I am unsure where this will take me, but I am willing to stay long enough to find out.